This Is The End (Cassius/Rhys)

[Sharei]

At Cassius' joke, Rhys cracked her own smile, mouth pulling to one side in a conspiratorial way. Fifty years ago she'd have taken advantage of it to make a real pass at him, but time and love for another had removed any chance of that romantic encounter.

"That goes without saying," she said, adding her other hand to the pile. "I myself have limited knowledge, as this wasn't a science I followed during the eras, but I have a long memory and a wider scope of the occult in general. It should help."

A longer memory now, thankfully. It turned out that her episodic memory problems had been down to Atol's lingering magic and not her own failing mind. With his death and the final expulsion of the magic she'd been under, her memory had returned in full. Not her powers, though - it seemed more of them were locked away than before, in fact. She felt weaker, more restrained somehow than she'd been before the event.

"I assume," she added, raising one eyebrow, "you also mean in matters of violence, should you accidentally mutate yourself into a slavering beast deity intent on consuming humanity?"

[jarahamee]

“Most magic follows similar rules. I think it has to for…”

Cassius gestured at the air with his left arm, trying to recall the word. He should take a more updated science class to keep on top of things. Conservation of what exactly?

“Physics. Conservation of energy.”

He said finally, after reflecting on it for a long moment. A little too long, but he moved on quickly, his mind drifting to the next important point.

The scarred man’s smile returned and he shook his head playfully.

“Oh. If needed, but not necessarily. Perhaps you can hold my hands together like a child or just… help if needed. Unfortunately whatever I turn into will still be me, and me combined with anything else, well…”

He slid his hand from underneath hers to shrug in theatrical helplessness.

[Sharei]

"You said yourself that it's high-level experimental alchemy," Rhys returned with an arched eyebrow. "And considering we're talking about minor deities, I think it's worth having a diety-eater on hand should anything go wrong. I love you Cassius, but I also recognize that this sort of alchemy is dangerous and unpredictable. Knowing about it, I would be remiss if I didn't step up to do my part in protecting you and others from unwanted accidents."

She let him take his hand back, patting it once on the way.

"Precautions aside... are you sure about this course?"

[jarahamee]

Cassius nodded, apparently undisturbed. This was his exact concern and his own sticking point in this matter. Why he had waited until the literal last possible moment to pursue it. Why he had waited so long to test it. The inherit risks of before, during and after were immense.

“Yes.. I know. I already told Alessio to shoot me if I should prove a problem. He has some very large guns and quite a lot of experience. I think he could do the job.”

He exhaled softly, and bopped her hand with two of his gloved fingers, apparently amused.

“I would appreciate you being a phone contact. I am currently having Agent Groves assist me in the testing process. I have created high quality containment, and so far it has done an excellent job, with no signs of strain or risk of any…unfortunate happenings.”

He shifted back into his seat, intertwining his fingers together, as he might have when he listened to a briefing. His expression shifted back to a neutral one.

“It is the best, and likely the only recourse I can make without breaking my deal. If I exist as I am, I will continue to age. Perhaps I will live another… hm… few hundred years before my body becomes too old to fight, or dies of natural causes. No matter what, I will have to do something eventually, if I don’t die for duty. You understand.”

[Sharei]

"Mn," Rhys agreed with a somber nod. "The passage of time is a burden for which I am glad I never need fear, but all too often it seems to be coming for those I care about. And unfortunately, it does not wait around for us to make decisions."

She didn't envy Cassius' position. While she understood that a deal had to be honored, she couldn't condone the murder of her friend to satisfy it. The urge to argue further, to impress her desire to be present during these experiments, rose despite herself. But Cassius had turned down her offer once already and she wouldn't press him.

"Alright," she agreed. "I'll be a phone contact. It's heartening to know you already have confinement worked out."

[jarahamee]

Cassius nodded, exhaling between his sharp teeth in a soft hiss.

“I have been lucky enough to have had literal millennia to plan for this. Honestly, I kept thinking that some kind of miracle would find its way to me someday, but nothing convenient ever fell into my lap. And now I have no choice. I think… given the way the experiments have gone… They are moving in a positive direction.”

He looked almost embarrassed, his gaze drifting down towards his hand.

In fact, the real reason he had not wanted his friend present, was that the first two creatures he became had manifested themselves as terrifying mutant monsters, lacking both stable physical form and most of his mental capabilities. While each try had been an improvement, both had been very decidedly subpar. And he only had so many tries left before the Stone was exhausted. Once it was gone, he merely had his naturally aging body left.

“So far, none of the experiments have come close to causing any kind of breach or disturbance… And of course, I look like me. The reversions have been…exactly as expected.”

Agent Lucidus looked back up and into her eyes. She was beautiful, now and always, and it was enough to distract him from whatever unpleasantness had been living in his heart until now.

“Can I tell you something? I…don’t want you to get the wrong idea, but…I never really thought it was appropriate to tell you before now.”

[Sharei]

The dark-haired woman tipped her head thoughtfully.

"Of course," she said, brows coming together in obvious confusion. What was it that he had to tell her - past this already crazy story - that she didn't already know?

"You can tell me anything, Cass, you know that."

[jarahamee]

Cassius drummed his fingers on the table, looking off into her window, again uncharacteristically.

Rhys’ completely innocent response made him reevaluate whether or not this was still a good idea. Was it ever a good idea?

NO

That was why he had kept it to himself all this time, but he supposed this was… As good as it was going to get. And then he’d have this weight off his chest, and he could…uh… go…on…with…his…life? This was looking less and less advisable.

“I um. I’ve always been in love with you.”

The words came out fast.

Augh.

Wait…hurry! The caveats, don’t make it awkward!

“I don’t… I don’t mean I want to do anything. I don’t. I’m happy you are with Tsu, and you have your family. It’s just.. A me thing. But. I wanted to let you know in case things don’t go well. You…you know.”

He started to make an explosion gesture with his fingers, then thought better of it and poked them together instead.

[Sharei]

Rhys stared across the table at Cassius, red eyes blinking hard, mouth slightly open. A surprised flush of color had touched her cheeks and she fluttered a hand uselessly between them, as if that might somehow be an answer. She cleared her throat awkwardly and folded her hands on the tabletop, forcing them to still.

"Cassius, I... I didn't realize."

It had probably been obvious to anyone watching but Rhys had long given up on that. Half-remembered jokes, half-serious attempts at flirting, and the laughter they had shared had once blossomed into a real crush, but Cassius’ disinterest had made her set aside the idea. His devotion thereafter had seemed servant-like rather than romantic. She'd never thought for a moment that he might return that puppy crush of their young agent days, let alone something approaching love.

It was too late now, of course. She had Tsu and her family and she would sooner die than trade them. But still.

"... Why did you never tell me?"

[jarahamee]

Cassius pressed a hand to his scarred cheek, his expression decidedly and tiredly resigned. Why didn’t he tell her? He could have made a laundry list of the many reasons that he had realized that all of this was a terrible idea over the last two millennia. But then… But then… at the same time, it had almost seemed like a cruel joke that he had only met the only immortal who would probably outlive him at the tail end of his very, very long life.

“I will be entirely honest. With my situation, I could not see it being fair to you.”

He turned his scarred hand over, placing it palm upwards on the table. He then stared at it as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“It is true, I am about as close as men can get to being immortal. Most ancient vampires would kill, literally and figuratively to be as ancient. Most liches my age are ash and dust. Most ghosts my age are senile if they still walk the earth. You would be lucky to find a dragon so old, but… my deal is still a deal.”

The werewolf sat upright, knitting his calloused hands together, and staring back into her eyes. He was somber. Entirely serious, actually.

“ And has been for as long as I have been alive. There is no guarantee that I will escape this all unscathed, whether or not I actually physically continue to exist or not. That itself would be very unfair to you. Beyond that, you want things that I would not be able to give you. You deserve to get what you want, and to have it on whatever terms you seek, and it would be selfish of me to ignore your needs that way.”

He exhaled, eyes half-closed.

“Ultimately; I care. That is why.”

[Sharei]

"I'd call you an idiot for thinking so, but that was probably the responsible thing to do," Rhys said with a sigh, drumming her fingernails on the tabletop. So much for stillness.

"Ugh," she said, throwing her hands up. "I can't even be mad."

[jarahamee]

“I… try not to be selfish. Especially about people I l-care about.”

Cassius’ mixed emotions read clearly on his face, shifting only a little as he looked at her across the table, head still resting on his palm. There was no regret in his dark eyes, but perhaps there was a touch of longing, the smallest dab of compassion and empathy, but most clear was one of his strongest qualities; the feeling of sacrifice.

While smiling deepened his crows’ feet, looking somber was the thing that really did make him look older. That, and the way his hair had started to silver over the last few hundred years. He really hated it. Once, he had been one of the handsomest men in Rome, and now he was… old and had a really large scar in his hairline, one real functional eye, and was missing several fingertips.

“It… has taken me a very long time, to temper myself not to be.”

He exhaled finally, breaking their unintentional staring contest by looking down at her admittedly perfect hands.

“If you are mad, you can hit me.”

The werewolf offered helpfully, his expression immediately brightening into a lopsided smile. He rolled both hands outwards, as if to exaggerate his nonexistent shrug.

“I’m happy for you. You have everything you want, and you know… It works out well for you that way. You are happier than you have ever been, and I know that this is a happiness I would never have been able to provide.”

He sat up straight, crossing one scarred arm over the other like a seated big cat.

“I admit I’m a little concerned that whatever changing me will do, it might make me different enough to not quite be me, so I’ll probably ask for leave around the time I have to… you know… try the final stages of this. Medical. All that. I’m older, I’m sure people won’t question it.”

Cassius was in fact, dead wrong, and they definitely would question why someone who never missed a day of work, and stayed late every day left on prolonged medical leave, but that was not his problem.

[Sharei]

Rhys' mouth twitched but she didn't dignify that with a response. People would notice. But perhaps now wasn't the time and the place to bring it up.

"I'm not mad, Cassius."

She folded her hands over themselves again and looked down at them. The tips of her fingers twitched, then fell still.

"I wish you'd told me, rather than keeping this to yourself, but I agree it was probably wise. I'm not mad. I'm not even bothered, Cass, and it doesn't make me uncomfortable. You don't have to hide your feelings or pretend like they don't exist - ah... except, perhaps, around Tsu."

They both knew that wouldn't be a good idea. Tsu's kind were notoriously ill-tempered when they thought someone was trying to muscle in on their mate.

"As for this matter of leave, I'm sure it can be easily arranged."

[jarahamee]

“Would…you have understood my view?”

Cassius merely shook his head. What would a discussion have done? It might have tempted her to be unwise, and whatever was left of his willpower would have eroded right then and there. He knew himself all too well.

“I would never have wanted to put you in a position where… Well, you were compromised.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, and leaned back in the chair. He had heard that this was a symbol of being more emotionally distant, and now he would have to embrace it.

“And, as always, I am careful about Hemming.”

A slight frown traversed his mouth. He was indeed careful about Hemming, though… The man was unpredictable, and he did not want to do anything that might lead him to being…violent and irrational. He had no desire to harm his friends, but if Hemming ever attacked him, he had no doubt it might lead to…

Outcomes he did not want to pursue.

The scarred man swept the thought under the table, sitting up straight.

“I suppose…that settles it. I will do what I need to do, and I will make sure there is adequate time to prepare when the time comes. For now, I suppose we should focus on wine, and the dinner I make, hm?”