Too many thieves (Grim/Kail)

[qhostqrowls]

“Dude, a PI?”

Kail’s tone pitched upwards, incredulous. There was a note of suspicion in his voice, and he side eyed the goblin as he rifled through the drawers of the desk. Boring stuff. More paperwork. A vaguely raunchy polaroid of an orc woman. He grimaced and closed the drawer, eyes skirting over the cabinet.

“I thought you guys were like. Private cops.”

He took the vodka with a half nod, glancing over the bottle. It looked expensive. Not like he was fussy either way.

“I know enough tricks of my own.” he said nonchalantly, slumping down into the swivel seat and turning in a slow circle. He certainly seemed like a bored teenager as he cracked the bottle and sniffed, nose wrinkling slightly.

“Hunger.” He said with a half grin, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms behind his head. “Money. The usual shit. I’m mostly doing this for the adrenaline rush…I thought he’d have more security.”

[indeath]

Grim made an ugly face, a private cop? Being a PI was way cooler than that. He eyed the place until he found what he’d been looking for. A box filled with a lot of pink crap. His client’s stuff. He took a long drink from his bottle of whiskey.

“Nah nothing like that. We’re not bound by the law. It’s much more glamorous!”

He hiccuped loudly.

“Oh? That’s my fault, my client is a inside woman. She let me know where to look and I cut the magic. Poof! All gone. Plus orcs believe too much in their own fearsomeness. Sounds like you need a hobby.. or something. I can think of other ways to get the adrenaline pumping that’s far more pleasant.”

He grinned at his companion.

“That’s not a come on but uh I know some people with very low standards.”

[qhostqrowls]

“Aw.” Kail sounded vaguely disappointed - seeing if he could sneak past security measures was half the fun.

“Damn right. Orcs are all bark and no bite. I could take his slow-ass in a fight any damn day of the week.” He said confidently, spinning slowly in the chair all the while. He paused suddenly at Grims last comment, his lip curling.

“You mean yourself? And hey, couldn’t blame you if you were. I’m a real catch.”

He winked at the goblin, and took a swig of the vodka. This was kind of fun, he had to admit.

“Yo, I bet you can’t chug that whole bottle in under a minute. I’ll give you…”

The wendigo fished through his bag, procuring a glittering ruby necklace.

“This, if you can.”

[indeath]

Grim shrugged with a grin at the skinny youth. Placing the of pink in his new bag which devoured it like it was nothing. He leaned against the desk knocking several pens and a glass to the floor which he ignored.

“No, not me. I like a bit more meat on the bones but then I never say no. Definitely not to bets like that either. Alright get your watch ready, buster!”

Grim put his lips around the lip in and began chugging tipping the bottle upside so it came in a rush down his throat. Some dripped down the sides and it certainly wasn’t pretty but pretty soon the bottle was empty. Grim threw it against a wall with a loud satisfying crack.

He put out his hand in the traditional gimme way.

“So I wasssh thinkin…” the room slid and waved as the alcohol hit his bloodstream.

“I feerl bad about ruining your funshh. So how about we sshet this plash on fire? That’ll get ya blood pumping alright. I got what I came for. No sshhkin off my back.”

[qhostqrowls]

Kail watched Grim chug the alcohol with a rapt kind of attention, his eyebrows raising as the contents rapidly disappeared. A part of him had wanted to get Grim drunk so he could take his bag, but he actually kind of liked the guy. And that had been straight up impressive.

“Holy, yeah. Deserved.”

He dropped the necklace into Grims hand, tilting his head in a dog-like way as he tried to decipher his slurred speech.

The wendigos face lit up at the suggestion, his eyes narrowing as he grinned.

“Fuck yes! You are just full of good ideas.” He stood abruptly, turning over the vodka bottle. “I reckon I can make this into a molotov cocktail.”

He reached down, using his claws to tear a strip of cloth from his hoodie. Within a minute he’d constructed a shoddy but useable molotov, and he reached into his jeans, fishing out a lighter and a crumpled pack of marlboros.

“Not my best work but it’ll do the trick.” He said, speech muffled as he lit up his cigarette. He offered one to Grim, stalking over to the drinks cabinet and grabbing a bottle of rum.

He poured a generous amount onto the scattered paperwork, and then threw it against the desk hard enough to shatter. Glass crunched beneath his boots, and he splashed the rest over the walls.

“We’ll light this one up with the cig butts. I’ll chuck this into the big room.” He held up the molotov proudly.

[indeath]

Grim dropped the necklace lazily into his sack. He smirked rather proudly, it wasn’t often enough that people told him that his ideas were good. Grim pointed at Kail at the molotov idea.

“You too! Geniusshh! Man thishh hass turned into a fun night!”

He took the cigarette, lit it and took a well practiced drag. He took to the alcohol cabinet, drinking some then throwing each against a different wall.

“Ashh long aash it goes up in flamessh, it’s good work. Would ya lishke to do the honorsh?”

He held his cigarette between his fingers ready to flick it into the booze. That was when a loud crash was heard from from the front of the store.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Grim swore under his breath. This wasn’t good. He doubted it was another good natured thief. The voice sounded unerringly orcish.

[qhostqrowls]

“Aw, ya such a gentleman,” Kail drawled, and flicked the butt of his cigarette onto the paperwork.

It went up with a whoosh and a flash of heat, the flames licking up the walls and over the desk with an alarming speed. Kails eyes lit up as he watched the fire burn, red and orange reflecting off the black of his pupils, enraptured.

Not a second later a voice boomed out across the store, and Kail held a hand to his mouth, glancing at Grim and giggling - like they were schoolgirls skipping class, and not two criminals who’d just committed arson.

“Oh shit,” He laughed, grabbing Grim by the backpack and backing out of the office. He caught sight of Ribcarvers hulking frame, and not a heartbeat later there was the click of a lighter, and the molotov was lit.

“Basement, now - go go go!”

Kail swung back his arm, ready to throw the makeshift fire bomb.

[indeath]

Grim bowed.

“Age before beauty!”

Grim’s eyes gleamed as the flames began to crawl across the shop and the smell of burning paper filled his nostrils. He’d forgotten the rush of it. Kail was a man after his own heart. He couldn’t help but laugh with the wendigo. There was definitely something in the air. Probably the lack of oxygen. He didn’t need too much encouragement to make a run for the basement. The smell of burning orc filling the air.

“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU ARRRE!”

“BETTER SAVE YOUR FUCKING STORE FIRST!” Grim yelled back as he pushed his way to the window with Kail. He almost lost his bag as he stuffed himself out of the window. He grinned maniacally at Kail.

“Fuck… that felt good. We should probably get scarce… He’s so mad!”
Grim smirked.

[qhostqrowls]

Kails laughter was raucous and rough at the goblins quick retort. He almost slammed into the wall, and Grim felt a clawed hand push him forwards as they made it to the stairs.

“Faster!” Kail crowed as they sprinted down, hefting his bag over his shoulder to throw it out the window first. His lean form slipped effortlessly out of the window, boots hitting the pavement with a thud.

There was smoke billowing from the upper windows, flames lighting up the dark building. Kail glanced down the street - fires were fun, but drew a lot of attention very fast.

“Fuck yeah, that was sick.” Kail agreed, swinging back his hand for a bro shake. “Let’s get outta here.“

He began to jog down the street, knowing he’d leave the PI in the dust if he actually ran for it. They could slip off into a side street. Of Malgrims house. Did he live down here?

[indeath]

“Fuck yeah!”

Grim reciprocated the shake vigorously unused to people actually laughing at his jokes. Usually it was just him. Which kinda didn’t make them jokes but it was fine.

He jogged after Kail, keeping up with him easily. He wasn’t going to leave his new friend in the dust despite the temptation. He was turning a new leaf after all.

He led the wendigo through the underground towards a tunnel he was particularly fond of. He was crowing with success until a large ogre sounding noise was heard behind them. A large prettily dressed ogre was charging behind them, her face red with anger.

“THAT’S THEM! THOSE GUYS STOLE FROM MY MAN!!”

“Shiiiiiiit!”

Grim yelped and began running faster towards the tunnel. He had to think of a way to lose her.

He tried to throw a bag of ball bearings but he was too focused on running and couldn’t get the bag to open. Fuck. Hopefully his new friend had an idea.

[qhostqrowls]

Kail glanced behind him, nose wrinkling. He could outrun a beast like that in the blink of an eye. Leave her to catch Grim, maybe. But where was the sportsmanship in that? Grim’s more peaceful methods of slowing her down weren’t going to work, and the wendigo wasn’t exactly a peaceful person.

He whipped the gun from its holster, clicking off the safety. It really would be a shame to waste one of the enchanted bullets on an ogre, which was exactly why he was using a normal bullet. An arson-to-murder case would be investigated way more thoroughly than just an arson-robbery. A close shot should be enough to slow her down, and if not he’d make sure the next one shattered her knee.

There was a deafeningly loud crack as he shot at the woman, the bullet skimming past her skull. She flinched, clapping a large hand over her bleeding ear, stumbling and falling to the pavement. The tunnel loomed ahead of them, and Kail flashed a blood-thirsty grin in Grims direction, flashing his fangs.

”Let’s get the fuck outta here.” 

[indeath]

“Fucking A!”

Grim hadn’t been expecting the shot and he’d jumped slightly almost running into a nearby bin. Still he couldn’t argue with the results, besides his client might be pleased that her ex’s new woman was now permanently maimed. They should probably avoid the underground for a bit though just to be safe.

Grim flew into the tunnel not stopping his trajectory. As long as his new friend was keeping up he wasn’t worried. He stuffed the ball bearings away.

Then as the night air hit and they reached the surface he slowed down as he guided the wendigo through several alley ways and up to his apartment. He collapsed onto the floor with a horse laugh. He hadn’t been this bad in a while. This definitely wasn’t going to help him be a better person.

“That’s gotta be enough adrenaline, right? Man I can’t believe you shot her! Do you need extra bullets or something? I have a box.”

The apartment was a glorified office with a large chaotic bookcase, wooden desk but surprisingly nice chairs. A small bar fridge stood in one corner and a bedroll in the other. There was a small bathroom to the side. Large messy files were arranged in chaotic piles about the place.

[qhostqrowls]

“Yeah, christ. She came outta nowhere.”

The wendigo did not seem even slightly out of breath, flopping down onto the nearest chair and placing his boots heavily on Grim’s desk. He pulled his balaclava down again, his backpack thrown carelessly to the floor.

“I was gonna kill her, but we drew enough attention with the fire.“

Kail sounded almost sulky about the lack of murder that had taken place, absentmindedly grabbing a piece from the nearest stack of paperwork. His pale eyes scanned over it uncomprehendingly, and he placed it back after a second of slow reading.

“So, you’re a private detective. Ya ain’t gonna snitch of anything, yeah?” Kail fiddled with the gun, clicking the safety on and checking over the ornate weapon with a practised eye. He wasn’t exactly subtle about the threat. “I mean, ya obviously ain’t that law abiding, but gotta cover my bases. Having the WDSA on my ass is bad enough as is.”

Now they weren’t sneaking about the store, he seemed content to be even more loud and obnoxious, seeming entirely confident in himself and his propensity for sudden violence. It was a little like Grim had a wild animal lounging by his desk.

“I’ll take a few if ya offering.” He extended a clawed hand for the bullets, half smiling.

[indeath]

Grim eyed the wendigo’s legs on his desk but didn’t say anything, he’d done worse to it and on it. He grinned at the memories. Still he noted the slightly feral mood of his new friend. He definitely did want to be the outlet for his bloodlust. Suddenly any alcohol in his system fled.

“Woah there, Nelly! I ain’t a snitch. I don’t want police attention anymore than you. I thought we were friends… friends don’t ice friends. Chill… Chill.”

Grim headed towards his box of bullets, keeping an eye on Kail. Sliding a hand to where his favorite dagger was just in case.

“I’ll give you a load of bullets on two conditions. First your name and second you don’t try and use them on me…”

He was beginning to regret letting the guy in. He needed more fail saves, maybe another camera in here. He’d thought he’d made a new friend. They’d had such fun together though Grim couldn’t blame the guy for playing it safe. No loose threads. Still if he was going to be shot at, it was better not to be sober.

“Fancy a drink?”

[qhostqrowls]

“Don’t get ya antlers in a lock, I just gotta be careful.” Kail drawled, his tone teasingly placating - like he was being overly dramatic at the threat of being shot. He holstered the gun, rocking back in the chair so that the front two legs lifted off the ground.

“Already detective-ing, huh? Why do you wanna know?” He asked, staring at Grim as he considered the questions. It wasn’t like he needed the bullets. But they had bonded over the arson.

“It’s Kay.” He said finally, and it was at least a half truth. A nickname. “I pinky-promise I won’t shoot you. Too loud anyway. I got quieter ways of getting things done.”

He winked, and let the chair fall back onto its four legs.

“An eye for an eye, you gotta tell me yours now.” It was more of a demand than a request, but he didn’t seem as aggressive as he had only moments before. “And sure - I’ll drink anything.”